Sometimes, though we may live in a large family or have lots of friends, we may feel alone. Perhaps we have developed too much of an independent streak or maybe aren’t making time to truly connect with others. But what is the cause of these feelings and actions?
Over the past 5 years, the Lord has been helping me to understand why I have felt so lonely for much of my life. I have realized that, for reasons that I am not totally sure of, I did not complete the developmental task of learning to bond to others when I was a small child. In his book Changes That Heal, Dr. Henry Cloud defines bonding as “the ability to establish an emotional attachment to another person. It’s the ability to relate to another on the deepest level.”
My inability to bond to others has caused much unhappiness. According to Dr. Cloud, failing to bond with others can cause, among other things, the following feelings and reactions: depression, feelings of meaninglessness, feelings of badness and guilt, emptiness, feelings of unreality, and living in a fantasy world. I have experienced all of these.
We are designed to be connected to others and, if we are not, many negative feelings and experiences can result. I highly recommend Dr. Cloud’s book Changes That Heal if you would like to learn about bonding and 3 other important developmental tasks that we all need to complete in order to healthy and well-functioning adults.
I also recommend aromatherapy to assist in learning to connect with other people. Specifically, I recommend using cedarwood essential oil, which is also known as the oil of community. This oil supports individuals as they seek to form bonds with other people. Cedarwood nurtures feelings of belonging and helps individuals open up and internalize the love and support of others. This oil is great for those who feel disconnected and antisocial.
Do you struggle with loneliness? Perhaps do you have trouble bonding with others?